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I feel like I'm on vacation... but I live here...weird!
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I had endoscopic sinus surgery today. I'm not allowed to sniffle or blow my nose for a week - instead I have to let everything drain onto gauze taped under my nose. It's a good look for me.
I also forgot to put my piercings back in after surgery, soo... RIP nipple piercings 2005-2009. I loved you =[
Time for another dose of Vicodin...
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| x [B l i n k !] x |
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Thursday, March 19th, 2009
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Oh hey, LJ.
What's new, you ask?
Well... I'm quitting my job in the middle of this economic crisis and moving to the south. Super! Not my idea, but you do what you gotta do, naw mean?
We move when the lease is up June 1st. When this topic first came up I literally cried, but after a few months I am actually excited. Just hope that I can find... ya know... a job...
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Tuesday, August 19th, 2008
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Oh boy, what to say?
Dane is at work until midnight. After work I went to H&M then stopped by his work to give the gift of ice cream.
Working opposing shifts sucks... I miss him. Go figure, after being long distance for 6 months.
On one of his days off last week we went to see the New Pornographers which was thoroughly enjoyable and good for us to get out of the house. Usually we just stay in and watch old episodes of Six Feet Under and Veronica Mars and play Scrabble and sleep.
At least we have a steady income now. I started painting the apartment. It is looking somewhat attractive and is feeling more like "mine"... that is, when mice aren't scampering across the kitchen floor and rain water isn't flooding through the front door.
Work is stressful, but cool. I'm kind of important there.
Things I am currently obsessed with: guacamole, Olympics women's beach volleyball
Things that suck: breaking out like i did the first time I got my period at 10 years old (thanks birth control!), Wachovia (FUCK Wachovia, foreal)
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Thursday, July 17th, 2008
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Thanks economy!
(I'm employed... yay!)
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My last day at Greentree is Thursday.
Dane and I begin cohabitating (in Philadelphia) Sunday.
God, I'm so happy.
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| Time: | 1:41 am. |
| Mood: |  tired. |
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Figures that once I finally find myself in an honest, stable relationship... I'm the one who makes it complicated. Jesus! Relationships are hard work. Who knew?
It's worth it, though.
Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.
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I keep insisting I don't believe in regret, but every time my past creeps up on me, it makes me sick.
Life eraser? Please?
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| Time: | 8:00 am. |
| Mood: |  anxious. |
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So I've got a lab practical in 2 hours and 15 minutes. At this point I really just hope I pass.
I'm in the library at school and can't concentrate to save my life because everyone around me is so fucking noisy! I thought you were supposed to be quiet it libraries?
There's this one very large, greasy-looking black man sitting diagonally across from me and I can't tell if he's talking to someone across the room who is ignoring him, or he's talking (yelling) to himself. I thought maybe he was wearing a bluetooth, but nope. Fucking crazies.
I was reading back over my old entries yesterday (because I'll do basically anything to avoid studying) and it made me slightly morose. I don't know if it's because all the negative feelings mildly resurface as I relive experiences in writing, or it's simply that I feel bad for my old self.
I was so stupid. I know it's all in the past now, but in reality it wasn't all that long ago. Things went from terribly shitty to incredibly awesome with only about a month-long lull. That's a lot to take in.
I keep boasting about accepting what I've done and moving on, but sometimes I slip up and still manage to subconsciously beat myself up. I'll get over it, I guess.
I think that's one of the many reasons I am excited about moving to Pittsburgh. I feel like I can truly leave "this life" behind me by physically removing myself from surroundings that, on occasion, remind me of the crap I got myself into.
I'm evolving into a new - well, no, not new... but improved - person, and I feel like a new environment will help solidify things. That, and the love of my life who only aids in making me a better person.
Now I'm so anxious to get to the next chapter of my life that I'm having a hard time successfully concluding this one. I'm dying to skip the next few months... particularly the weeks remaining in the semester. My heart is somewhere I physically can't be until the end of June and it's frustrating.
Patience.
I should write in this thing more often and in more detail. It would be nice look back over this in a year and actually have nice things to read about besides the usual superficial sarcastic comments.
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Thursday, March 27th, 2008
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| Time: | 10:44 am. |
| Mood: |  gloomy. |
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Long distance really sucks. I miss Dane, especially when it rains.
This is the longest stint we have to go without seeing each other.
I wish my office at work wasn't right next to the bathroom. I hate hearing people pee.
Blah.
Edit: I just found out a won a cruise to the Bahamas!!!!!!! hahahahahaahhaha
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HAPPY PI DAY!!!!
I am a total nerd, I know.
So...I thought I had a high pain tolerance... until I got a Brazilian wax today.
Hoooly fucking shit. It hurt SO. BAD.
I almost didn't sit through the entire thing. I am never doing that again... and I suddenly have a whole new appreciation for shaving...
If my boyfriend doesn't appreciate this, I'm breaking up with him.
Speaking of the boyfriend, I'll be on a plane in 36 hours to visit him in Florida until the 22nd. It's been a month since I last saw him... I can't wait. This is also very good timing... I really need a break from school and work and an opportunity to get away for a short while. Yay!
Oh, have I mentioned how much I am terrified of flying? The things I do for him...
Edit: I just realized this entry makes me sound like a total pussy.
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Thursday, March 6th, 2008
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I'm gonna nudie model!
Oh, by the way - I got a beautiful new laptop that isn't infested with spyware, so the internet actually functions properly and I can update and read other people's journals again. Cool!
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| x [3 m i s s e d . a . b e a t | B l i n k !] x |
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Thursday, February 28th, 2008
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Saturday, February 23rd, 2008
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I wish life came with a 'mute' option.
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Friday, January 25th, 2008
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First week of the semester and I'm already panic attack-ing. Awesome...
Not so much about classes, but more in light of the future as it has just now sunk in how "highly competitive" fall admission is actually going to be.
Had a sober 21st thanks to New Years Eve and realizing how sick I am of drinking. Go figure.
My dad's home from the hospital. Surgery went well. Not 100% sure he is cancer-free... we find out in a week-ish.
( This past weekend was wonderful... )
That's my incredible life in a nutshell.
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Monday, January 7th, 2008
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Someone loves me.
Not like BFF4evR love. I'm talking romantic love.
Weird, right? Even weirder: I just know. He doesn't have to say or do anything, the sentiment is just there. I hear it in his breath.
It's cool, 'cause I'm gonna love him, too.
Scary shit.
In other news: By the time winter break is over I am going to have reverted back to being entirely friendless.
I have no will to bother with anything. Seriously... it's a good thing my cell has speaker phone, since otherwise I wouldn't even bother holding the damn thing up to my ear. I can't focus on anything... my mind's eye is blurred. I've got anxiety through the roof which is disheartening because I had always assumed it was due to school stress. Well, I've been off for 2 weeks and have another 2 to go... so I guess not.
I guess I'm just nuts.
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| x [6 m i s s e d . a . b e a t | B l i n k !] x |
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Tuesday, January 1st, 2008
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Another year has passed, and while I'd typically take this hangover stricken day to reflect upon the past 365, I don't feel the need to write a novel this time. Looking back on the concoction of trials, successes, sorrows and joys, everything appears relatively simple to me. I can sum my year up, personally, in two sentiments:
Self-Respect and Acceptance.
I beat myself up and let myself be beaten. Not physically, but in such a way that I forgot I am deserving of respect. Why I let those who consider the dispense of respect optional influence me in such a negative way, I have no idea. What I did learn, however, is that just because the respect of others may be absent, does not mean my respect for myself needs to vanish as well. I am a beautiful woman physically and mentally, and I know this. I know this not because others have told me so, but because I have the innate respect for myself to embrace who I am with humility and, conversely, pride - pride that will keep me from allowing myself to be dragged down and shrugged off by those who do little other than hold me back from reaching my full potential as a human being.
My plans often failed to move at a pace that kept me interested and motivated. Whether the slowed pace was by fault of my own or dictated by surrounding circumstance, I constantly fought against it. This internal struggle left me frustrated and lethargic while I could have accepted the facts and learned to alter my outlook on certain situations. I've learned the road to success may be far longer than I initially intended it to be and the rewards may be nearly inconceivable at times... but with the acceptance of time, regardless of the quantity, I can seize each extra minute zealously. I can stay interested and motivated and, in the end, be even more satisfied with the results.
As for 2008, my resolution is Strength:
To carry on the self-respect and acceptance
to endure times of bore and impatience
to never waver from what I believe.
Strength through physical and mental exercise
to be weak, and vulnerable, and to allow myself to be cared for
to lean on the strength of others and to feel no guilt in doing so.
Strength to let myself believe without cynicism
to have faith - in my family, my friends, my significant other,
in my past that it will carry me through the present and into the future...
Cheers :)
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dearambellina0's journal
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